he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
