bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
