these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
