none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
