We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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