just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
