I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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