the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
