alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
