On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
