i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
