The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
