i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
