Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
