I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
