i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
