i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
