When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
