My friends, they love my intelligence
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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