it was like his penis was on wheels.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
