ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
