If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
