Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
