Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
