So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
