did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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