I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
