Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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