Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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