A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
