Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
