Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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