It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
