So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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