This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
