i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
