we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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