i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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