Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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