What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
