Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
