He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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