NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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