Moan for me like Helen Keller
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
