I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
