I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
