Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
