kristin has been a bad kristin
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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