Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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