the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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