Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
