Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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