my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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