did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
