SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
